You would find things to laugh at even in Artemus Ward. “I thought you weren’t getting along so well with your mother these days. “There is no—Good God!” he exclaimed. Oriental rugs adorned the sea of shiny hardwood floors, kept polished with an eye for detail that bordered on Japanese. He would teach her all he knew of life so that if the Hand should ever reach his shoulder, she would be able to defend herself. “Marriage certificates don’t tell lies, at any rate,” he said.
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